This isn’t NonBinary related, but my life isn’t all about my identity. It can be about a lot of things. My family, my Fiance, or my cats. It can be about work, school, and hobbies like this blog. My identity is extremely important to who I am as a person and shapes how I conduct myself in society, but it isn’t everything to me.
I have been having a hard time with Motivation.
Maybe it’s my anxiety, maybe its depression. Or maybe I’m just a lazy ass and according to most, I would be perceived this way. But, I think it’s probably the first two, or a mixture. Going to work isn’t hard, doing schoolwork isn’t hard, but it’s the little things. The things like Job hunting, doing laundry, cat boxes, making a real dinner, and cleaning the bathroom and other chores that I just can’t seem to do. I do them Eventually but by the time I get to them, it’s when they’ve stressed me out so much to the point where I have to do them to do anything else.
There’s also the concern that I don’t do them because once I get home from work I am completely drained. Being on my feet running around in a hot kitchen for eight hours, being constantly misgendered. And that’s not even counting the days I have my binder on and I have to drink twice the amount of water or I’ll pass out. Once I get home from work all the clothes come off, the biggest shirt I have goes on and I drift into a blissful two-hour nap. Then once I’m up I’m either doing schoolwork or help figure out dinner and all I want to do is relax. My brain craves that sweet sweet serotonin.
And I know if I told all this to my mom I’d be told that she taught me better. And she’s not wrong, she did. But adulting is Hard. Like, HARD. And one day I’ll be this super person who gets everything done when they’re supposed to and has a stress-free life. Or maybe I won’t. Because I am not perfect. And striving for that is unrealistic. Until I improve, I’ll take it one thing at a time, and just try to not get overwhelmed.
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