Summer Blues

I’ve had a rough week. At my most recent job, while I was able to start using my new name, around the same time, my hours had been cut. From 35-40 hours, down to a mere 15-20 hours. I was devastated. I was crying in the bathroom stall after I confronted my manager about it and he said “that’s what you get for only wanting to work nights” and that suddenly he didn’t “Have the labor costs” to pay me full eight-hour shifts. Even though I went on nights because of my mental health. I tried to make the argument that I’d been there for over a year and should have hours seniority. That I live on just this job, I don’t have any other. But he didn’t care. It was like talking to a brick wall. He wasn’t going to ask the guy above him for more labor money to pay me what I was due. He wasn’t going to do more than the bare minimum asked of him. And I’d asked for a raise for over a year with nothing to show for it. I was done. After crying in the stall for thirty minutes I took off my apron, grabbed my things, and left.

I needed to do what was best for me. And I can’t let people do things like that to me again and again because it makes me feel helpless. And I shouldn’t feel that way ever in a job that I care about. I loved the atmosphere, and I loved the team. But I couldn’t stay. And everyone else who works there deserves better too. I have interviews lined up though, and a backup plan at my fiance’s work as well. Better pay, better benefits, better learning opportunities. That’s all I want is an engaging work environment that pays and treats me fairly. And that’s really not much. But I won’t settle for less.

I shouldn’t have to waste my talents anywhere that doesn’t deserve me. Because I am a damn hard worker. And I do what I can to learn all that I can about improving in my job. We all want to be appreciated for what we do. And I think this is just as important as being treated fairly. Because if our work isn’t recognized, and our ideas and comments aren’t taken into account how can a group of people work as a team? How do they respect one another?

I wish the rest of the team at that job the best of luck in their endeavors and I did care about that company very much, as I do everywhere I’ve worked. But it didn’t end up to be the best place for me personally.

While I am hard at work on my job search and taking phone interviews, I’m also working on bettering myself and my habits as well. I want to read a little more, deep breathe a little more, and focus on myself and my mental health. I want to go talk with Portland State University councelors about transferring, and working on my french because I’ll have to take a few more terms of it. Another bummer is that I did not qualify for the pell grant this year, so loans will have to cover all of my classes coming up in September. It sucks, but I can try for it again next year.

I am trying to stay calm and to focus on things I love to do like write on this blog, freewrite, read, meditate, yoga, and other things that help me express myself the ways I know best. Hopefully I can realize my full potential soon in a new job, and feel secure again in my current state of living.

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