***Small content warning: Body Anatomy/Surgery talk***
When it comes to transition, thoughts can coincide and decisions can become clouded between wants and needs. To work through these thoughts I’ve made Pro and Con lists for both Top Surgery and going on Testosterone. These lists are not ‘proof’ that I will choose or not choose to have this surgery or go on hormone replacement therapy. That is for me to choose based on my dysphoria, and the lists are only to see my thought process.
Pros Of Testosterone:
- Lower Voice
- Can go on lower dose/will just take longer
- Body weight distribution
- No Shark week
- Sharper facial features
- More muscle mass
- ‘Pass’ more as male to society rather than female
- Downstairs growth?
Cons of Testosterone:
- More Body hair/facial hair
- Different smell/more smelly
- Possibly have male pattern baldness later in life based upon my dad’s history (but could take medicine for that)
- Another puberty
- Some changes permanent (voice lowering, downstairs growth)
- Most common way to administer Testosterone is self-injection. (Gels and patches don’t always work best and are more expensive)
- Downstairs growth?
I have put Downstairs growth in both because there are times when I want it and times when I don’t. Downstairs growth refers to the (warning: anatomy) clitoris growing to create a very small penis-like growth. It’s actually pretty interesting and something I’ve thought a lot about in terms of sex life and such. Down at the bottom of the blog I’ll link a video showing the face/body changes that testosterone makes.
Pros Of Top Surgery:
- No More large chest
- Gender Euphoria
- Seen less as female to society
- Feel a shirt on my chest and back
- Wear no shirt at the beach or pool
- Feel more confident in myself
- Look more androgynous
Cons of Top Surgery:
- Anxiety about surgery
- Scars underneath where the breasts were
- loss of nipple sensitivity
- Long recovery
- Long wait for the surgery
- Gatekeeping of surgeons
In terms of Top surgery, any surgery I think is hard to decide on, especially one that I’ve thought so much about getting so that I can feel like myself. What’s important to remember is that is is solely my choice, and if I decide on it, It is okay to change my mind at any time before the surgery because I am progressing in my transition at my own pace.
Warning the second video coming up might be graphic for some viewers! (Blood, Anatomy, bandages, scarring)