Today is my birthday!
And I feel a lot better about it this year than last. Because I had a tough decision to make on whether I was going to come out to those that I loved. I went back and forth, telling myself that I ‘didn’t have to’, that I’d still be okay if I didn’t. But I was really not okay being in a constant state of distress, and I realized this.
I could no longer go on being a woman. It just wasn’t possible for me. At every turn, I was being perceived as someone I wasn’t. And that was the turning point to me to say,
“I just want to be me, and if I lose people close to me in the process, it’s their loss”.
So around two weeks after my birthday and reading everyone’s posts about how their sweet daughter and granddaughter and sister had turned 22, I came out to my immediate family as Nonbinary.
It was confusing for them at first, but weeks went by, and then months, as time does, gave understanding to my parents, siblings, and friends. Even when they didn’t see me for a while, they still made the effort to call me by my new pronouns and later on, my new name. For this, I was extremely grateful.
I was so scared that they’d say it was “too hard” to respect my pronouns and name. But they made the best effort, and in this, I was reborn as Rhian.
I’ve accepted that for society, a stranger looking at me and seeing someone Nonbinary or even just assuming something other than a gender binary is far off in the distance future, even if everyone around me knows me to be Nonbinary.
And even if Cisgender people deny my existence that’s okay, because I’ll still be here. Being Nonbinary.
Happy 23rd Rhian. I love you.
Featured Image: serenataflowers.com